God was talking to me about faith this morning. I think my faith is in question. Not the big picture faith that saves me from hell, but the day-to-day faith that allows me to step out and risk while I'm here on earth. I have no doubt that God has a plan, that God is in control, that I will not find myself and my family begging on the street. But do I have the faith that would allow me to move to a new city with no real job or even just a part-time job if I knew that God had plans for me and my family there? I'd like to think so. I'm quick to say, "Yes! I'll do whatever you tell me." But am I allowing myself to hear an out-of-the-box request (if it existed)? I don't know.
But man, logic is loud, you know? It can really get in the way sometimes I think. It tells me that God would give me a clear view of how our bills will be paid if we were to be told to go somewhere. Logic says I can't move my family across the U.S., or even across California, unless we have either one full-time or two part-time jobs lined up first. (Am I lacking faith?) We pass up applying for some awesome sounding jobs because they don't pay nearly enough for us to survive in the city they are located in (like a part-time job in Burbank that pays a max of $12,000). And pastors have passed us up for the same reason (at least that's what they say), because they can't afford to pay us enough because we have a large-ish family, so they just say sorry, without even attempting to see if there is another way. I've been telling myself that God will work it out. If the ability to pay bills is not apparent, then it must not be God's will for us. But, HELLO! The ability to pay our bills is not apparent here in Fresno right now either. So what does that mean? It's not God's will for us to stay here either?
I'm so weary. This search for our "path" is so tiring. At what point do we just get jobs at McDonalds or wherever will hire us?
We are hanging on to a thread of hope still. Not the hope in the big picture. We have a firm grasp on that hope. I mean the hope that the path will just appear before us, that the perfect plan will be revealed, and that it won't involve taking "a" job, but rather "the" job that was meant for us. Is it OK to keep hoping for that?
So, faith is being sure of what we hope for, but isn't that really talking about the big picture hope, rather than the day-to-day hope? I don't know... I think faith is required to be sure of both kinds of hope.
At this moment I feel sure of very little...
(Thanks for letting me ramble.)
3 comments:
I've always believed that you need to be moving toward something, anything. It is only in moving (I'm not talking about the "load the moving truck" type moving) that God can direct you. You cannot direct someone who is sitting on the couch. Sometimes you just do the next thing you know to do, which might be Mickey D's, and see if God directs and how he directs.
Often times God is in the next step. "Man makes plans but God guides his footsteps." If I had listened to logic my life would be different. When I lost my last job I decided to take a long look. I was approaching 45 yrs old, and I realized I wanted and needed the freedom of working for myself. I had the knowledge, just not the capitol. Everyone told me it would take at least 100,000 to make my business work... I only had 6000. People with great logic laughed at me...logic is a faith killer.
I reviewed my options, asked God to bless the work of my hands, and then set out to do that which was "illogical".
My business only works because of God, I have become aware that it really has very little to do with me. He sets my appointments, puts me in the right time at the right place, gives me favor. He is constantly opening windows where doors close. Gives me small thoughts that work out well for me. I gave Him my business years ago... its all His now, He is my boss, and I have to run it His way. It is a constant challenge with all kinds of danger and impending doom (in todays economy it gets even tougher)in front of me. Logic has told me many times to give it up, that it wont work.
The word logic comes from the greek word "logike", and is defined as " possessed of reason".
Ive noticed that logical people are very subdued, and practical. They lead very guarded lives, and always hedge their bets. And when opportunity for greatness presents itself in their lives, they rationalize it away and slip back into mediocrity where logic tells them they should be. You see, they are possessed.....their trapped, and everytime faith needs to be exercised, they logic it right out of happening. The world is full of logical people, but people of faith are rare. You my friend are a person of faith. Look around you again, not at just what is available to you.... but dare to look at what you want, and step in that direction...it will happen.
yes, moving... living your life ,...the best you know at the moment. i believe we are always moving, it's a time thing. it's a good thing to be in these places where we have been feeling a bit at a loss for direction, but ironically, i think we're doing a pretty good job hanging out,also, on that bridge for awhile, too. our hearts are seeking the Divine, and i do wonder if that's the magnet that pulls us along.
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