That's how I'm feeling.
Very Blah.
I'm sure it's mostly because I can't do many things due to back pain. (I had 3 herniated discs, but I'm doing much better now. It's just a constant ache now.) I'm trying to take it easy, but I'm going stir crazy. I actually want to do yard work. That's how bad it is. I don't like sitting around all day. I really don't. But it's not just that. I feel a spiritual blah-ness that I can't quite put a finger on. I know God is with me and at work, but I am only seeing darkness right now. It's a very dark night without even a moon for light. God will see me through. I'll emerge triumphant in Him. But I just feel like the air is thick around me and I can hardly get a complete breath these days.
I'm ready for something new.
I'm praying for something new.
I need something new.
I just need some light for my path.
10 comments:
I know how that "darkness" feels. I really can relate. You know I was there for quite a while myself, recovering from my surgeries and the complications that followed. Being all alone here all day for so many weeks...well, it got pretty dark, too. But you must know that you are not alone. You have your church family, your blood family and your Holy Family to support you. Just call upon one of them. And answer your phone calls once in a while. I called you 3 times to invite you to come sit in my spa to help your aching back - but I never heard back from you. The invitation still stands. :o)
Well I did call you back on both phones and left a message. Maybe you should check your voicemail. ;)
I may take you up on the offer sometime.
Hi Kim
I'm sorry this is such a dark time for you. Aren't they hard? I don't want to tell you to pray more, read more, keep a stiff upper lip. I will remind you that resurrection always comes after death. You say you want "new". Afraid you don't get new without the death of the old. Rather than trying the approach of running from the dark or scratching your way out of the grave maybe look up some stories of the saints (if you don't have any books on them) and just welcome them as companions in the darkness.
Love you.
Kim, I know that God has something great waiting for you. I'm praying for you.
When one is in pain, depression often follows. That is especially true with chronic pain as it seems to go on and on. Then the pain medication that one takes also has the side effect of causing depression as well. It is a vicious cycle. I will pray that you find relief from the pain and the darkness very soon and that you will feel the SON begin to shine on you once again.
Thanks to everyone for the encouragement. It is very heartwarming to me.
I do not feel forsaken, just a little blind at them moment. I know it will pass. I'll come out of the tunnel soon and be farther along than when I entered. And I may have even avoided a treacherous mountain by passing through the darkness. :)
As a regular and a fan of your blog, Im glad you are back blogging if nothing else. I also find that blackness, darkness, go hand in hand with a feeling of lack of purpose and insignificance. Now that is for me and im not saying that is in anyone else's situation. What I will say is that I want you to know I read your blog, I look forward to reading it, and it blesses me. I also want you to know the last month you haven't written here, I missed your writings, and when I saw you had a new post this morning, it brought joy to my morning. Just in case your situation has any despair in it, know this..you bless me, you are very important in my life, God really loves you and has you covered, and His plans for you are very very good.
Well, thanks Anonymous. I'm glad my rantings are appreciated. And more than that, I'm glad that I can be a blessing to someone. :)
I know the herniated disc deal real well Kim! Hang in there with that and my prayers are with ya! Gotta tell you I stumbled very happilym upon your blog and I will join the others in reading. Love your words...
My dear friend Kim, I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I won't pretend. I feel very much in the same way...sometimes fear I feel that way too much. I really do like what Cathy has to say here and it encourages me as well {thank you!}.
Just know, if it brings comfort, you are not alone. I know it's cliche, even cheesy but think of the footprints in the sand poem. It's during these times that not only is He here He is carrying you. I've never read anything that says He makes it all nice and rosy...but He promises us that He will always be there with us. And what more could we want or need! Love to you my friend.
You are my lamp O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light. (2 Samuel 22:29)
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